Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
