The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
