Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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