I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
