ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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