We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
