I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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