I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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