so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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