EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
