I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
