I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
