We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
