Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
