Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think your dad took our porno
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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