She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
