The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
