bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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