HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Couch. On fire.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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