How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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