I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We left the knife in your bed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
