just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
