i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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