yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
