It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
