I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
