The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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