in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
