I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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