Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
