just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
