I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
false alarm, still single
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
