I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
