some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
