Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
