you traded sex for a burrito?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
