Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
