Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
