mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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