all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
