Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
