this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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