You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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