fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
