We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
