i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
