Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
