Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
