he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
