I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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